Weddings and weddings

It’s the time of my life where everyone around me is tying the knot. Attending wedding after wedding where my friends profess their love and do their vow-shit does make me think about my own relationship and how it’s so lacking in many areas that are essential for a lasting, meaningful and beautiful one. Perhaps I am just really idealistic but I know instinctively that he and I need more work. 

First time I’m dating a muslim – who initially acted like such a rebel; but now I realise how deeply traditional he is. I wouldn’t be surprised if he decides to start going to the mosque and start praying. Already he’s stopped drinking so much and we hardly ever go out partying anymore. Which is weird and perhaps maybe I won’t be able to accept that. The last thing I want to do is to convert because I don’t believe in religion, plus it would just kill my ultra Catholic father of mine who already is neurotic and psychotic enough. 

As the time together with him has gone by, I have less and less faith that what he wants is what I want; which probably means that eventually I would have to pack my bags and chase my life dreams alone. Already I’ve been stalled for a while now with very little promise or plans for a happy future. It feels like I’m sitting in a row boat with someone who is sometimes stubbornly directing me to steer in directions I really don’t want to go, while he doesn’t lift the paddles much – until I am not looking; and when I open up my eyes, realise that I am not where I wanted to be. 

In truth; relationships work mostly if it is practical. Not really so much of chemistry and passion; but common goals and ideals. 

I’m not sure what I should do now. Perhaps it might be time to quietly start building my own little row boat with just space for me and my cat.

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